Sitting in Silence: Lessons from 3 Days in a Monastery
I spent three days in a monastery without a phone, TV, or company.
Monks in my town offer a room year-round to men who want time alone with their thoughts.
When I booked the experience, I received a confirmation email that read:
On the day of accommodation, we will meet you at 7 pm at the monastery’s gate. Don't forget to bring a towel, sheets, slippers, and bread for 3 days.
Bread. For 3 days. 😳
The monks say it keeps the experience simple. No need to think about what you’re going to eat or prepare anything.
It’s a silent experience. The monks don’t live in silence, but they know you do. So they don’t speak to you.
So… how was it?
I was bored out of my mind. I spent most of the time sitting in silence, looking at trees, listening to birds, and following my breath.
As a kid growing up in the 90s, I got bored a lot. I waited for my parents to pick me up from school. I stared out the window on long drives to and back from the countryside. I zoned out in classes that felt pointless.
But today, how often do we really feel bored?
When boredom creeps in, we kill it with scrolling, TV, gossip, or my favorite—work.
Okay… So we’ve found a solution to an uncomfortable feeling. That’s a good thing, right?
No.
The mind needs silence to connect ideas, reflect, and make sense of the world.
Every time we pick up our phones, we lose an opportunity to hear our thoughts, find insight, and most importantly, deal with the crap that’s bothering us.
One reason most of us hate silence is that it forces us to face our demons.
The monk told me a few visitors who stayed in their monastery couldn’t make it past the first night. They couldn’t cope with the thoughts that surfaced when they remained in silence.
On the first day at the monastery, my thoughts were loud and eerie. It was all I could hear. But by day two, my mind quieted. It was like I’d hit inbox zero. I was feeling more, thinking less. I was more grounded. I started enjoying myself.
I realize being able to sit in silence for 3 days is a luxury a lot of people don’t have.
So how do you cultivate silence and introspection in your life without locking yourself up in a monastery?
At the end of the retreat, I spoke with a monk about it. I asked him if the monks used silence in their day and how.
He said that every morning and evening, the monks sit together in silence for 30 minutes. They don’t read, pray, or meditate in any particular way. They kick back and let the moment unfold.
This is a practice I’ve heard Naval Ravikant talk about on the Tim Ferriss podcast:
“(...) You sit for 60 minutes every day and you do it for at least 60 days. And you do it first thing in the morning when your mind is clear and you’re alert and you’ve had a good night’s sleep.
(...) Whatever happens, happens. Whatever your mind wants to do, you just let it do. If it wants to talk, you let it talk. If it wants to fight, you let it fight. If it wants to be quiet, you let it be quiet. If it wants to chant the mantra or pay attention to breathing, you can do that, but you don’t force anything.
(...) And when you do that for at least 60 days, my experience has been that you kind of clear out your mental inbox and all the craziness that was going on. All the chattering will come out. Some problems will get resolved. You will have some epiphanies. You will make changes to your life.”
For most of us, sitting in silence for 30 to 60 minutes each day will require waking up earlier, before the chaos of the day starts. A small price to pay for—in the words of Socrates—a life “worth living.”
~ Ben
✉️ Get my newsletter
☕️ Buy me a coffee
