I Quit a Toxic Job. Here's What Happened Next.
by Ben Pages on Mar 30, 2016
I've been voluntarily unemployed for 3 full months now. What do I feel? I feel stillness, I feel peace, I feel aliveness.
My last job was inside a 30-people office on the 20th floor of a grey building in the Zhejiang province of China. After a year working in the import/export industry, it became clear to me my life needed change. I had let myself sunk into a whirlwind of negativity. I had fully destructed the spiritual sanity I had cultivated over the years and had submitted to a mechanical and disheartening lifestyle.
My emotions were controlled by the people I worked with and no matter the energy I started with at the beginning of each day, most of it would transform into frustration, anger and worthlessness as the hours went by.
I was attaching high importance to unessential matters which I had little or no control over. This automatically led to even more hopelessness. By the end, I felt imprisoned in a destructive state of mind. My thoughts and actions were causing me pain, yet I was defenselessly allowing the same behavioral and emotional patterns to repeat over and over.
I had come to China to grow and make an impact; in reality, my skills and motivation progressively rusted; I could feel myself becoming smaller and smaller each day. I needed to know that I mattered, so I started craving gratification and social acceptance. I spent hours on my phone each day, searching for validation on social media. I became needy, I lost a lot of self-confidence, yet I turned more arrogant than ever and displayed a behavior that encouraged rejection over anything else.
I assume the degradation of my mental state happened because of isolation. China can do that to you... Because of restrictions in the use of digital communication tools, 7 hours of jet lag with Europe (13+ with America) and an immense cultural gap, it is sometimes hard to believe you are still part of the world you once belonged to.
As my contract ended, I packed all my belongings and ran away as fast as I could from the corporate epidemic that had robbed me from my sense of self.
3 months have passed and I am writing this post from the heart of the Sri Lankan jungle. I feel more fulfilled than ever. I work as a volunteer for an organization that strives to equip children born in rural Sri Lanka with tools to access higher education and realize ambitious careers. I am an educator without a wage living in the house of a modest family I met a few weeks ago. I eat with my hands, sleep under a mosquito net and bath in rain water. I evolve around stray dogs, wild cows, tropical birds, turtles, monkeys, mongooses, crocodiles, snakes and elephants. I am serein and happy.
The change in environment I have undertaken has reignited a long-gone flame. Since my resignation from cubical-land, I have reopened some unfinished projects, reestablished connections with people I care for but had left out, started taking care of my body and resumed the spiritual practices that once brought much peace into my life. I am, once again.
You're probably thinking that I am lucky, that if only you had the money or the right opportunities, you too would raise your middle finger to everything that is a drag in your life. This is a limiting belief; in other words, a lie you have created in order to protect your comfort and security. But if tomorrow you were to die with unexpressed ideas, unrealized talents and unlived ambitions, what really is there to protect then?
Pure happiness is accessible to every one of us. The fundamental error we all make is to believe it happens in the future or in the past. This is wrong. Future and past are constructs of the mind, they are not real. Happiness is and can only be delivered in the present moment, because that is all there has ever been. When has your life not been now?
Taking control of life means moving away from the effect side of things while identifying ourselves as the cause of our unhappiness. This is where we make the distinction between those that react to life and those that act on life. One who reacts to life can only find excuses and dissatisfaction, whereas one who acts on life is uncovering solutions and freedom.
Psychologists explain that even a woman enduring conjugal violence is at cause for her suffering. She's not the at cause for the aggression demonstrated by her partner, but she is for remaining in a dysfunctional relationship. Only once she understands and accepts that can she proactively seek the help she needs to change her life situation and bring pleasure back into her life.
Although your mind will tell you otherwise, you have full control of your life situation. There are hundreds of limiting beliefs polluting your space every minute of every hour and they have you believe you can't have what you want. Observe these beliefs and realize they only exist in your head.
What do you want in this life? Do you have it? Why not?